Persevering for perfection.

I read this earlier.

'Don't be afraid to say 'I need help' or 'I made a mistake' or 'I'm sorry.' Never pretend to be perfect.'





So I won't.

I need help, I've made many a mistake, and for that, I'm sorry.

I can't pretend to be perfect, because I'm far from it. I'm constantly reminded of my faults, and for those who point them out, I can only thank you, because really, I would have forgotten about them if you hadn't have been the one to remind me.


I'm not perfect, but I'm trying every day to be better.
I need help, because I can't do this on my own. This diamond needs someone to mine her.
I make mistakes, daily. We fall down, but we get up...
I'm sorry, I'm not who you'd like me to be. I can tell you this for sure, I'm not who I want to be either. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, done stupid things, and I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry to be a disappointment. I'm sorry I'm not doing the things you think I should be doing, and that I do the things you think I shouldn't be doing. I'm sorry I can be harsh with my tongue. I'm sorry that I can't read your mind. I wish I could sometimes.

I'm sorry you had to read this.

Random Post...

At the moment, I have no idea what I want to write about, so expect some streams of consciousness in this one.

I've just got back from having coffee with a friend, which was really lovely.I have a lot of respect for her as a woman, a mother, and as a Christian. I think it's nice to spend time with people like that.

We briefly spoke about marriage, because I was thinking about entering my 20s (EEK!) and a lot happens in your 20s... I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married. I didn't tell her, but secretly I know what kind of dress I want, the kind of ceremony it'll be and the kind of reception I'd have. I do think of these things, but I don't know.. if some idiot decides he wants to marry me...then who knows? I do have my little list of characteristics of what I'd like him to be like as well.. but shh don't tell anyone (as if posting this blog on the internet wasn't broadcasting it enough!!) It's not as if I'm in any rush to marry Prince Charming right now. I'm in the twilight of my teens, I'm at uni and it's not particularly perfect timing right now. At the same time, it would be nice to have some decent attention. I've had some not very nice 'secret relationships' in the past, and it's taken me a while to get over those. I suppose you could argue that I'm damaged goods, but I'm really not. I'm restored, redeemed sanctified and clean, thank you, Lord! (sounds like a song lyric *writes down*)
Now, I'm not writing this as a desperate spinster (ergh, that word!) ohhh woe is me, I'm single! or as COME AND GET ME BOYSSS! Nah, If a nice gentleman crosses my path and shows some interest, that will be lovely. I'm just not going to go out looking giving people a false impression of myself, there's no point in that. People can take me as I am.

Even if I don't get married, I'd like children. Rainbow babies-Not by lots of being naughty with rainbow men, but adopting. If I don't have the chance to conceive naturally, I'd like to be a mummy to other children who's own mummies are out of the picture. Even if I do have children, I would still like to either foster or adopt. Either way, I don't think I could cope without kids in my life. However, watching 'One Born Every Minute' on C4 has sort of put me off childbirth, not going to lie to you. Right now, though, I'm in no financial position to get married/have kids anyway, plus I'm don't graduate 'till I'm 22/23 anyway.

I told you this was going to be random... I'm procrastinating again. I'm meant to be packing to go back to university. Not quiiiite sure how I feel about it at the moment. It's not like last time where I had to establish myself and make friends, but it's the whole 'leaving people behind' thing again. What if people forget about me? Sad times. I never forget a person I meet, especially if they've made an impression on my life. I'm completely rubbish with names though... working on the whole memory thing..

The house is a bit weird at the moment. Something's up with my brother and he's being secretive about it all (any praying folk please lift him up, he's not a Christian, but it would be nice to know he has support) and the washing machine/dishwasher has broken so there's water everywhere ('Water water everywhere, yet not a drop to drink' Grrr Ancient Mariner!)Nightmare! I don't know whether to take it as a sign that I should stay, or go back... hmm, either way, dad's driving me back tomorrow-though with my stupidly small amount of contact time, and it only being about 2 hours away by train, I should just commute, but i do pay almost £5,000 for my lush room, plus I'd miss my friends. URGH, I'm torn. I'm going back, whether I like it or not. I know I will, so it's OK.

Right, I'm going to stop there, lots to be done... I don't even know if anyone reads my blog, it's just an output really... whoever does read this, I love you :)

Beth x

Sorryyy!!

I don't know how many people even read this, biut I told myself I'd write on this every other day at least..it hasn't happened. I've got to the stage in the holidays where I realise I had a LOT more uni work than I thought, so late night essay writing with mugs of cereal happens..I am truly classy..

ANYWAY, back to uni on Saturday, so let's see how this blogging thang carries on there!?

Beth x

Words of Wisdom..

I was flicking through my notebook (I have hundreds of the things, but this particular one will always be my favorite, it's tattered, torn, wearing round the edges, has pages pulled out of it, but it's been with me to so many places...)
and I found a couple of pages devoted to some wise words I collected. I never referenced them, so don't know who said them now... I'll just post them, no explanation.

'It is through life's sufferings that we learn the most'


'Do not let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart'


'Some things I cannot change, but 'till I try I'll never know'


'Never miss an opportunity to make someone happy; even if you have to leave them alone to do it'

The 3 H's
*Humility
*Honesty
*Honour


'Use what talent you posses: The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except for those who sang best'

'God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me'

'Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow'


'There must always be light to cast a shadow'


'Nobody puts baby in the corner!'


'Be yourself, everyone else is taken'


'He who sings scares away his [her] woes'


That is all

b x

I miss the sun...

Sun, we need you.

One more, and then goodnight..

Just found this and had to share.


Puts it all into perspective really...

Do not fear.

How easy is it to read the above statement? I guess for anyone older than about 5, it would be pretty easy.

Think again though, how easy is it to read this statement and take it on board? Here's the preachy bit.

The Bible says 'Do not fear' or words to that effect around 366 times (God didn't forget about leap years either..) so that's more than enough for every day of the year!

We all experience fear in some sense every day of our lives. These can range from fear of spiders to darkness to flying to rejection, illness and death. In today's online 'diagnose me' society, a generation of hypochondriacs have given names to these phobias, likening them to medical conditions, some of which, people may not realise they even have until they read about it..

Have a fear of laughter? Well, don't worry, you're not alone, it's been Christened Geliophobia, and are you scared of garden gnomes? You're not alone, as this has been imaginatively named Gnomophobia. Seems funny, doesn't it? (I laughed, sorry all those that are Geliophobic out there, no need to cause any offense- B x) The thing is, a lot of the time, fears are the blighters that overcome us.
1 John 4:18 tells us that 'Perfect Love casts out fear' In the name of love, all fear is gone. Using this logic, it could be argued that where there is fear, there is no love. Ouch.
If God is love- God being perfect, so therefore, so is His love, then in Him there is no fear. It's OK to be fearful. God knew, and KNOWS that we're going to face fears, hence his sprinkling of encouragement against the spirit of fear all the way through the Bible. What's not OK is when we acknowledge our fears and refuse the rebuke them. Many people have a fear of visiting doctors, not because of the actual physician himself, but more about his knowledge, when a patient opens their mouth and begins to explain symptoms, after a physical examination has taken place, the patient then knows what is wrong with them. A fear of doctors is more to do with a fear of diagnosis. A fear that the oblivious mind is enlightened as to what is wrong. In rebuking the fears, what lies underneath the fear? More fear? Probably. Mostly suppressed memories and emotions whose fear has become the scar.
In order to remove the thorn that has been imbedded into your foot and causes you aggravation, a further incision has to be made. Yes, for a while, it will cause more pain and discomfort, but once the thorn has been removed, and the wound has healed, the hurt from the thorn is gone, it ceases to exist. The road is never easy, you first have to acknowledge that the thorn in your foot shouldn't really be there in order for it to be removed. If ignored, the thorn gets deeper and deeper into your skin. I'm a bit squeamish, so I'll stop there (Plus, I'm no medical expert, i'm just speaking through experience.) The fear, like the thorn starts to be the cause of so much discomfort and can prevent so much. Proverbs 27:1 says 'Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day might bring' We fear the future, because we have so little idea about what is around the corner, we do not know exactly how an order of events may pan out, or exactly what we will be doing in a years time. Do not fear, do not worry.

I'll end with my favorite proverb 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight' Pr 3:5-6. In everything, acknowledge God, in all your fears, surrender them to God. Trust in God. And most importantly, 'Do not fear'

Beth x

This quote says everything I wanted to say..

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'

'Arise, shine, for the light has come' Isaiah 60:1


Beth x

2011. New Year New Start??

This is, evidently, my first post of the year, so Happy New Year to you all :)

I have read lots of blogs, tweets, facebook updates, etc. about the optimism that the new year brings. 'Out with the old and in with the new', 'New Year, New Start' etc. etc. How long does it last? If people are so keen to change, to try that new diet, to quit smoking, to be a better person, why do they feel the need to wait until the new year?

Now, if there is one thing that I could be a 'mastermind' at, it would be the fine art of procrastination. Oh, don't you just love it, putting off simple tasks by doing another, meaningless task so meticulously that by the time you eventually get to do the task you have to do, you lose focus, energy or motivation to do anything at all. Often when I have to do uni work, I'll do anything and everything to busy myself to forget about the task given, anything from sorting out my bookshelves to cleaning the kitchen, to rearranging the cupboards, or even....tidying my room. OK, facebook is a massive procrastination tool too, it's terrible how much sitting at my laptop constantly refreshing the faceboom homepage to see if anyone has said anything interesting, only to read about people procrastinating in the same way I am. I think what I'm trying to say is, why wait to change? If you've been given the mental kick to do something, don't let the little tasks of the new day get in the way of your motivation! If you're reading this as a Christian, and one of your resolutions is to spend more time with God, then for goodness sake, stop reading this and go and do it! (I am in hypocrite mode, as you can see..)

Last year, I wrote a list of all of the things I wanted to do by the same time next year. They were to get a job (check) fly in an aeroplane (check) Go abroad to do mission (check) and go to University (check) Conquer my fears (which were all of the above) I can happily say that I managed to achieve all this and more in the latter months of 2010.
What have you always wanted to do, but haven't had the time to do? What do you spend your days doing, and how much of that time could be consumed with striving to achieve that goal? You have been given the desires of your heart for a reason, they're not just there as an unachievable dream, they're there to be taken hold of, for your to do whatever it takes to achieve it. You are more powerful, and more able to achieve than you think you are. So this new year, (hey, it's a new year, such a good excuse to analyse your life, doncha think? :P) think about what it is this time next year you want to be able to say you've achieved.