University, the wilderness years?

Again, I am so very sorry, long time, no blog. What can you do?

Anyway, right now I'm taking a break from staring at the walls, also known as essay planning and thought I'd give a bit of an update to whoever is interested/any stalkers out there in the land of the internet.

So...University. Well, I've been here for about 5 months now. Weird. It has definitely been, what some may say as a bit of an 'emotional rollercoaster' (vom.com/verycheesycoinedtogetherphrasethatissometimesquiteaptinthiscasemaybe). I've very much enjoyed this new insight into the ever so scary world of adult independence, and i think it's safe to say that I've met some marvellous people, friends for life, I'd like to think. However, I think that the biggest step for me was taking this leap of faith without the help of my Christian family back home physically being there as my guide. I know that they have been there in spirit through prayer, and that is all I can ask for, really.

I think that the greatest thing that I have learnt so far at university hasn't been the pool of information I've had to spout out in essays, but the fact that God's love and Grace are constant. No matter how many stupid things I may get up to, He'll never stop loving me. No matter how many times I fall, no matter how many times I want to turn away from it all, do my own thing, He'll NEVER leave my side. He's for me. It hasn't been the easiest thing to do, to move away from the people I love, to a strange new city, trying to establish myself as a person with strange new people. Finding a church. Adapting to student lifestyle, having to fend for myself, sort out my own study and finances and fit in a social life on top of that- though how people can drink so much they get pareltic and fall into the beds of random people is beyond me...each to their own, I suppose. It's time of enrichment which will mould the rest of my days, and I'm so thankful for God's relentless love throughout this whole period in my life. It's only 3 years, but I want it to be a 3 years that i'll never forget that the favour of God was with me.

Would I say that University will be my wilderness years? In some ways, maybe yes, as I take my shaky steps onto the tightrope of the adult world, but I know that when I fall, God will be the harness that will protect me from harm, dust me down and bring me back up again.

Beth x

Persevering for perfection.

I read this earlier.

'Don't be afraid to say 'I need help' or 'I made a mistake' or 'I'm sorry.' Never pretend to be perfect.'





So I won't.

I need help, I've made many a mistake, and for that, I'm sorry.

I can't pretend to be perfect, because I'm far from it. I'm constantly reminded of my faults, and for those who point them out, I can only thank you, because really, I would have forgotten about them if you hadn't have been the one to remind me.


I'm not perfect, but I'm trying every day to be better.
I need help, because I can't do this on my own. This diamond needs someone to mine her.
I make mistakes, daily. We fall down, but we get up...
I'm sorry, I'm not who you'd like me to be. I can tell you this for sure, I'm not who I want to be either. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, done stupid things, and I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry to be a disappointment. I'm sorry I'm not doing the things you think I should be doing, and that I do the things you think I shouldn't be doing. I'm sorry I can be harsh with my tongue. I'm sorry that I can't read your mind. I wish I could sometimes.

I'm sorry you had to read this.

Random Post...

At the moment, I have no idea what I want to write about, so expect some streams of consciousness in this one.

I've just got back from having coffee with a friend, which was really lovely.I have a lot of respect for her as a woman, a mother, and as a Christian. I think it's nice to spend time with people like that.

We briefly spoke about marriage, because I was thinking about entering my 20s (EEK!) and a lot happens in your 20s... I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married. I didn't tell her, but secretly I know what kind of dress I want, the kind of ceremony it'll be and the kind of reception I'd have. I do think of these things, but I don't know.. if some idiot decides he wants to marry me...then who knows? I do have my little list of characteristics of what I'd like him to be like as well.. but shh don't tell anyone (as if posting this blog on the internet wasn't broadcasting it enough!!) It's not as if I'm in any rush to marry Prince Charming right now. I'm in the twilight of my teens, I'm at uni and it's not particularly perfect timing right now. At the same time, it would be nice to have some decent attention. I've had some not very nice 'secret relationships' in the past, and it's taken me a while to get over those. I suppose you could argue that I'm damaged goods, but I'm really not. I'm restored, redeemed sanctified and clean, thank you, Lord! (sounds like a song lyric *writes down*)
Now, I'm not writing this as a desperate spinster (ergh, that word!) ohhh woe is me, I'm single! or as COME AND GET ME BOYSSS! Nah, If a nice gentleman crosses my path and shows some interest, that will be lovely. I'm just not going to go out looking giving people a false impression of myself, there's no point in that. People can take me as I am.

Even if I don't get married, I'd like children. Rainbow babies-Not by lots of being naughty with rainbow men, but adopting. If I don't have the chance to conceive naturally, I'd like to be a mummy to other children who's own mummies are out of the picture. Even if I do have children, I would still like to either foster or adopt. Either way, I don't think I could cope without kids in my life. However, watching 'One Born Every Minute' on C4 has sort of put me off childbirth, not going to lie to you. Right now, though, I'm in no financial position to get married/have kids anyway, plus I'm don't graduate 'till I'm 22/23 anyway.

I told you this was going to be random... I'm procrastinating again. I'm meant to be packing to go back to university. Not quiiiite sure how I feel about it at the moment. It's not like last time where I had to establish myself and make friends, but it's the whole 'leaving people behind' thing again. What if people forget about me? Sad times. I never forget a person I meet, especially if they've made an impression on my life. I'm completely rubbish with names though... working on the whole memory thing..

The house is a bit weird at the moment. Something's up with my brother and he's being secretive about it all (any praying folk please lift him up, he's not a Christian, but it would be nice to know he has support) and the washing machine/dishwasher has broken so there's water everywhere ('Water water everywhere, yet not a drop to drink' Grrr Ancient Mariner!)Nightmare! I don't know whether to take it as a sign that I should stay, or go back... hmm, either way, dad's driving me back tomorrow-though with my stupidly small amount of contact time, and it only being about 2 hours away by train, I should just commute, but i do pay almost £5,000 for my lush room, plus I'd miss my friends. URGH, I'm torn. I'm going back, whether I like it or not. I know I will, so it's OK.

Right, I'm going to stop there, lots to be done... I don't even know if anyone reads my blog, it's just an output really... whoever does read this, I love you :)

Beth x

Sorryyy!!

I don't know how many people even read this, biut I told myself I'd write on this every other day at least..it hasn't happened. I've got to the stage in the holidays where I realise I had a LOT more uni work than I thought, so late night essay writing with mugs of cereal happens..I am truly classy..

ANYWAY, back to uni on Saturday, so let's see how this blogging thang carries on there!?

Beth x

Words of Wisdom..

I was flicking through my notebook (I have hundreds of the things, but this particular one will always be my favorite, it's tattered, torn, wearing round the edges, has pages pulled out of it, but it's been with me to so many places...)
and I found a couple of pages devoted to some wise words I collected. I never referenced them, so don't know who said them now... I'll just post them, no explanation.

'It is through life's sufferings that we learn the most'


'Do not let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart'


'Some things I cannot change, but 'till I try I'll never know'


'Never miss an opportunity to make someone happy; even if you have to leave them alone to do it'

The 3 H's
*Humility
*Honesty
*Honour


'Use what talent you posses: The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except for those who sang best'

'God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me'

'Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow'


'There must always be light to cast a shadow'


'Nobody puts baby in the corner!'


'Be yourself, everyone else is taken'


'He who sings scares away his [her] woes'


That is all

b x

I miss the sun...

Sun, we need you.

One more, and then goodnight..

Just found this and had to share.


Puts it all into perspective really...